I grab her with my
good left handFor a few... I grab her with my
good left handFor a few seconds I want to kill
her, and who knows, maybe I tryWhat I do know is
I'd rather remember all the accidents in this
round world than the look in her eyes as she
struggles in my gripThen I think It was RED! and
let her go
I held Gandalf against my chest as I had once held
my infant daughters and thought, I can do thisI felt Gandalf's blood
soak through my pants like hot water and thought,
Go on, you sad fuck, get out of Dodge
49
I held Gandalf and thought of how it felt to be
crushed alive as the cab of your truck eats the
air around you and the breath leaves your body and
the blood blows out of your nose and those
snapping sounds as consciousness flees, those are
the bones breaking inside your own body: your ribs,
your arm, your hip, your leg, your cheek, your
fucking skull
I held Monica's dog and thought, in a kind of
miserable triumph: It was RED!
For a moment I was in a darkness shot
black chanel handbags with that
red; then I opened my eyesI was clutching
Gandalf to my chest with my left arm, and his eyes
were staring up at my face -
No, past itFreemantle?" It was John Hastings, the old
guy who lived two houses up from the Goldsteins
In his English tweed cap and sleeveless sweater,
he looked ready for a hike on the Scottish moors
Except, that was, for the expression of dismay on
his face"Edgar? You can let him go now
"Yes," I said, relaxing my grip on Gandalf"Would
you help me get up?"
50
"I'm not sure I can," John said"I'd be more apt
to pull us both down
"Then go in and see if the Goldsteins are okay," I
said
"It is her dog," he said
"It's hers," I said"And I don't want her to come
out and see him like this
"Of course, but-"
"I'll help him," MrsShe looked a
little better, and she had ditched the cigarette
She reached for my right armpit, then hesitated
"Will that hurt you?"
It would, but far less than staying the way I was,
so
chloe white I told her noAs John went up the Goldsteins'
walk, I got a grip on the Hummer's bumper
Together we managed to get me back on my feet
"I don't suppose you've got anything to cover the
dog with?"
"As a matter of fact, there's a rug remnant in the
back
She started around to the rear - it would be a
long trek, given the Hummer's size - then turned
51
back"Thank God it died before the little girl
got back
ix
It wasn't far back to my cottage at the end of the
lane, but getting there was a slow chug just the
sameBy the time I arrived, I had developed the
ache in my hand that I thought of as Crutch Fist,
and Gandalf's blood was stiffening on my shirt
There was a card tucked in between the screen and
the jamb of the front doorBelow
a smiling girl giving the Girl Scout salute was
this message:
A FRIEND FROM THE NEIGHBORHOOD CAME TO SEE YOU
WITH NEWS OF DELICIOUS GIRL SCOUT COOKIES!
ALTHOUGH SHE DIDN'T FIND YOU IN TODAY,
Monica WILL CALL
chanel handbags on sale AGAIN!
SEE YOU SOON!
Monica had dotted the i in her name with a smileyface
I crumpled the card up and tossed it into
52
the wastebasket as I limped to the showerMy
shirt, jeans, and blood-spotted underwear I tossed
into the trashI never wanted to see them again
x
My two-year-old Lexus was in the driveway, but I
hadn't been behind the wheel of a vehicle since
the day of my accidentA kid from the nearby juco
ran errands for me three days a weekKathi Green
was also willing to swing by the closest
supermarket if I asked her, or take me to
Blockbuster before one of our little torture
sessions (afterward I was always too wiped out)
If you had told me I'd be driving again that fall,
I would have laughedIt wasn't my bad leg; the
very idea of driving put me in a cold sweat
But not long after my shower, that's what I was
doing: sliding behind the wheel, keying the
ignition, and looking over my right shoulder as I
backed down the drivewayI had
wholesale tiffany taken four of the
little pink Oxycontin pills instead of the usual
two, and was gambling they'd get me to and from
the Stop & Shop near the intersection of East Hoyt
53
and Eastshore Drive without freaking out or
killing anyone
I didn't tarry at the supermarketIt wasn't
grocery shopping at all in the normal sense, just
a quick bombing-run - one stop at the meat-case
followed by a limping jaunt through the ten-itemsor-
less express lane, no coupons, nothing to
declareStill, by the time I got back to Aster
Lane I was officially stonedIf a cop had stopped
me, I never would have passed a field sobriety
testI passed the Goldsteins' house, where
there were four cars in the driveway, at least
half a dozen more parked at the curb, and lights
streaming from every windowMonica's mom had
called for backup on the chicken-soup hotline, and
it looked like plenty of relatives had responded
Less than a minute later I was turning in to my
own
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